Black Woman Sends Inquiry to Essence About White Spouse Calling Her “Nigger Bitch” in Bed
Are You Serious?, What's Up
Surely Essence Magazine’s Abiola Abrams has heard her share of intimacy issues from couples in relationships of every sort since being in the love business, but something tells us that her latest inquiry was a little different.
A black woman wrote into the magazine saying that her husband calls her “nigger bitch” during sex and has joked about “purchasing her freedom” when he married her and he has been dropping the n-bomb since their honeymoon. Which begs the question that if he was able to refrain from saying it before they got married, what made him start after they were married?
Her husband is a white investment banker from a family of old money who proposed six months after knowing her. From her own account, she has “the picture perfect fantasy life.” He spares no expense to make her happy by wining and dining her all over the globe and:
“Unlike all of the Black men I dated in the past, my husband is generous, loyal, committed and considerate. He courted me and I never have to pay for anything. He said I could quit my job and I did. He makes me feel like a woman.”
That is a loaded statement that exhibits her insanity. The black men dogged her and were the antithesis to this man, yet her very own Calvin Candie disrespects her core self and she still believes he makes her feel like a woman?? C’mon, Son! It’s about the money!
Abiola later broke it down to the root and said what we were thinking:
“If you stay with your man for money while he is speaking down to you, then I’m afraid you have personally sold yourself at an auction to the highest bidder. It’s time for a self-esteem check, doll face.”
This “first generation Black-American woman whose family is from the island of Jamaica” said that while this man compares her to previous black women he’s dated and admits his want to use the n-word freely, but doesn’t understand why he can’t, is not interested in leaving this man. So she advised Abiola NOT to suggest that as a part of her advice. But she wrote things like:
“…a Black woman he dated in the past enjoyed being called racial slurs. Another time he joked that he had purchased my freedom. He also speculated about whether his family could have owned mine because I have ‘good hair.’ Then he made jokes about my pubic hair. He called it my ‘negro bush’ and referred to himself as a ‘nigger lover.’ He says I am being overly sensitive because he loves me to death and should get a ‘Black pass’ for marrying me.”
Wow!
The woman did exhibit some smarts when saying that she didn’t want to have children with him before these issues were addressed. Abiola tried to respectfully address this extremely confused woman’s request for help by saying:
“…queen, your husband needs a history lesson and you need counseling.
His comments are verbally abusive and emotionally harmful. I agree that this issue needs to be addressed before you bring children into the picture.
She then had to break with the flowery counseling and just give her the essentials.
“Reality check: I know that you don’t want to leave your husband. It’s a beautiful thing that you are taking your vows seriously. He, however, is not. He is not loving, honoring nor cherishing you. If traveling the globe playing “Real Housewife of the Big House” while he drops n-bombs is not your idea of fun then you need to ask yourself some serious questions.”
Some serrrrioooous questions!
What is your advice for her?
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